Miami, where everyone knows Spanish until proven otherwise. No, I unfortunately haven’t had the pleasure of picking my face off the pavement of South Beach after a night out but I have been here several times. I’d like to think this has allowed me to quickly learn just what kind of city has been hiding in the southern most party of the United States.
24 things I’ve learned from my 24th city:
1. There are clothes, and then there are clothes in Miami. The biggest difference? About a 6 inch hemline and a deep V-neck.
2. I don’t know how but nearly everyone wears heels here quite frequently.
3. The humidity is out of this world gnarley. If you have curly hair and you straightened it give it about 8..7..6..5..
4. People still use whistling as a form of catcalling
5. If you consider yourself at least a 6 out of 10, you’ll quickly understand my last comment
6. If you have boobs, prepare to be called “Mami”
7. North Beach is perfect if you want to day drink and relax to the sound of the waves
8. EAT THE PUERTO RICAN FOOD!! It’s crack, it’s so good I’m almost convinced theirs crack in it.
9. Tony Montana may have put crack in the food during the 80s
10. If you don’t understand #9, please stop reading this and go watch Scarface
11. While your at it eat the Mexican food if it tickles your fancy
12. I’ve never tried the Mexican food here (I hear it’s amazing), but I don’t like Mexican food
13. You can close your mouth now (most jaws drop when I say that).
14. Just because you see an attractive skinny young model looking chick in a small dress and heels, don’t assume the 3 kids near her are runaways; she may have actually birthed them
15. If you see this, it is okay to be Nick Jonas style jealous. Moms can and will be hotter than you.
16. Hotels have beer and margarita vending machines for dirt cheap and it’s pretty rad.
17. If you go to the beach just know, eventually it will rain.
18. And by rain I mean thunderstorm.
19. If what I stated above happens, find a bar, in an hour it’ll be beautiful and sunny again.
20. No one with a nice car knows how to drive it, all they do is show off and blow smoke
21. People are super friendly
22. Some people are too friendly
23. South Beach can look rather intimidating
24. I have no idea how anyone keeps on makeup here, seriously it’s so hot and humid.
Though the palm trees and beach weather can be enticing, I can’t say that I’ve ever had a full desire to stay in Miami for more than a few days. Maybe it’s the heat (it’s definitely the heat) or maybe it’s the daily rain (I’m not about that daily rain life), but I would absolutely recommend this as a weekend excursion. Even if just to beach bum, people watch, day drink, and troll South Beach, Miami is a site to see and so much fun can be had with a margarita in hand. I mean if Mr. Smith could make it look fun in 1998 in that terrible shirt, just imagine the stories you’d have for your friends back home if you decided to challenge his lyrics line by line.